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Salma Hayek stopped by German TV show Wetten Dass over the weekend sporting a traditional
dirndl. There was nearly an international incident when her entire breast almost popped completely
out of her outfit. I'm not sure what U.N. protocol is, but I'm guessing Germany would've owed us a
peak at one of it's stars' nipples. On that note, anybody who wouldn't demand it be Heidi Klum is a
terrorist. (It needed to be said.) NOTE: Pics are LSFW due to
them being the closest you can get to a nipple slip without, sadly, being one. It's like getting
ready to have sex with a beautiful woman, and she only has half a vagina. We've all been there
before. Thanks to David who gets an "A" in foreign policy for the day. You should work in the White
House.
Enjoy these pics while you can of a non-pregnant Angelina Jolie at the premiere of The
Changeling over the weekend. After recently birthing twins Knox and
Vivienne, turns out she's already bored with them and ready for more. Somebody get this check a
medal. OK! Magazine reports: And just in
case you thought that Angelina and Brad, who has joked that he would like to have a full soccer
team of kids, would stop at a half-dozen, she says that there's no stopping in the near future.
"We are going to have more kids," revealed the Oscar winner. "One way or another." When she's not
busy thinking of ways to adopt you or get the maximum mileage out of her uterus, Angelina shares
her secret to shedding the baby weight: “Run around with all the kids, and breastfeeding,
which I think is part of your body's natural way of losing weight." So, I tried Angelina's advice
to shed a few pounds, but since I don't have lactating breasts or children of my own , I had to go
down to a local elementary school and chase some around. The end result? My face ended up on some
website run by Megan (?) and the neighbor kids call me "El Chupacabra" while throwing rocks at my
car. But, damn, does my ass look tight. Seriously, you can bounce a quarter off it, but not really
because I've already lost $5 down the sewer grate.
Michael Lohan is auctioning off a chance to get in the ring and punch
the press-whore out of him. The auction starts at $5,000 with all proceeds going to charity,
according to FOX News: Jeff Cohen,
an organizer for the event, said he expects a big turnout.
"Anybody who jumps into the ring with Michael Lohan will become famous," Cohen said. "Maybe you'll
get one of Lindsay Lohan's ex-boyfriends who'll try and impress Lindsay by beating up her father.
Who knows? ... You might get Samantha Ronson trying to put a bid in there." A chance to punch the
snot out of Michael Lohan? I'm in. But, before I write the check, you're allowed to duct-tape a gun
to your boxing glove, right? Because I'm pretty sure that's how they did it in Rocky. Or
maybe I was on acid. Who knows? In the meantime, somebody call Tech Support. My desk is melting
again. Thanks to Kristen who flies like a butterfly, stings like a giant scorpion. True story.
Photo: Splash News
These are shots of Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan in Malibu yesterday. Will
someone explain to me how the hell Michael Bolton breaks up with that? Seriously, she's got to be
the hottest 44-year-old woman on the planet. In fact, if you slapped bikinis on all the hot
44-year-olds out there and put them in a room, Nicollette would own them all. Then again, we should
probably make them pillow fight first. Not for me, of course, but for science.
What if Sarah Palin played Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin playing Tina Fey? My answer: The universe
would collapse on itself with a quiet "We're mavericks, don'tcha know." But, apparently, the folks
over at NBC and the McCain campaign aren't concerned with the very fabric of our existence,
according to the Chicago
Sun-Times: Some key McCain staffers are content with Palin joking about the "SNL" routines on
the campaign trail -- as when she scribbled "I'm not Tina Fey" on a supporter's cell phone and said
she'd dressed as Fey on Halloween. But others -- including the governor herself -- think a return
punch on the NBC airwaves is what's needed. My political beliefs aside, I'll admit it'd be a good
show. Because if the debates taught us anything, it's that Sarah Palin is awesome at memorizing
words she doesn't know the meaning of - like "vice-president." Hi-YO! I'll be in the Catskills all
week, folks. Try the veal. EDIT: Moved the SNL debate video after the jump.
David Spade, who somehow dated Heather Locklear in 2006 (Damn his
hobbit magic!), texted her shortly after her recent DUI arrest to
lend his support, according to People: "I think things get blown
out a lot of proportion," said Spade. "She's always solid and always a great person. And I think
people understand she's in a tough situation and she does her best." That's nice. Because right
after you get arrested for DUI you want to be reminded you dated David Spade. Jesus, while you're
at it, you might as well call her fat then insult her cooking. Photo: Bauer-Griffin
Kim Kardashian has knocked down rumors on her official
blog that she's had plastic surgery by posting the above picture of herself. Can you guess how
old she is? Try 14. Ha ha ha! You're going to jail. Here's the word from Kim: I believe I have
answered this question before but here I go again...
I HAVE NOT EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!!!
I am definitely not against it at all, but haven’t yet had it! Personally, lip injections are
the thing I would never do—even if I didn’t have full lips.
I think lip injections look very fake and bad and I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone with stuff
in their lips—so I wouldn’t do it to myself.
This is a picture of me when I was about 14 years old in a bikini. I hope after seeing this you
guys will never ask me a plastic surgery question again! I have had a size C since I was 11 years
old! So one day I will definitely get a lift, but I am waiting until after I have kids. Until then
I rely on a great supportive bra! LOL!
All the butt implant rumors are just so not true and now just silly to me. I have answered dozens
of times “no I do not have butt implants,” but people just don’t seem to want to
believe it!
I have always had an insecurity with my nose... People also have assumed I have had a nose job, but
I have not! I look exactly the same as I did when I was a kid, except my nose has grown a little. I
hate the bump on the side of my nose, but am way too afraid to mess with my face!
If you are considering plastic surgery, please please please know you can never ever change it back
and you will never be the same. That could be a very good thing or a very bad thing! Make sure you
have thought long and hard and that the plastic surgeon is board certified and has an amazing track
record!
Don’t ever take the cheaper way out! This is your body and ultimately your life!
Yours in truth,
Kim Hmm, we've got a lot in common, Kim Kardashian. I've never had plastic surgery either. Turns
out it's illegal to look "too sexy." No, really, if a doctor were to augment this chiseled face,
he'd lose his license. But the government can't keep me down - which is why I bought an eye patch,
ladies. Photo: Kim Kardashian Official Website
So this is what it feels like to see O.J. Simpson get convicted of something.
The Juice and his accomplice Clarence "C.J." Stewart were both found guilty of robbery and kidnapping after they
targeted a group of Las Vegas sports memorabilia collectors in Vegas. The AP reports: Both Simpson, 61, and
Stewart, 54, face mandatory minimum sentences of five years behind bars and could be sentenced to
life in prison.
The star-athlete-turned-actor appeared somber and emotional as the verdict was read late on Friday
night, and winced as he was handcuffed by marshals and led from the courtroom into a holding cell.
I think it's safe to say that, no matter what the charges were, O.J. Simpson was going to jail.
Jaywalking? Life with no parole. DUI? The chair. Murdering Heidi Montag? ... Two to
three years with time off for good behavior. Photo: Splash News
In an unexpected Friday surprise, I got a hold of some Beyonce Knowles bikini pics. I gotta admit
though, they're a tad anticlimactic considering she usually errs on the side of smokin' hot. It's
like unwrapping a Wii on Christmas morning, but inside the box is not Beyonce's butt. Curse you,
Claus!
Hey, Republicans, these two all yours! The new charitable Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt helped
kick off the Taco Bell Reality Check Challenge yesterday which helps stop world hunger. When asked
about the Vice Presidential Debate, Spencer endorsed his hackey mam of choice Sarah Palin,
according to Hollyscoop:
"Well I got my six pack in the car I am a true American like Sarah so were good." Perfect, you've
got your sixer just like Suzie MooseShot. Now here's what to do if you truly are Spencer Pratt:
Lover of Freedom: Down those suckers, pop Heidi in the passenger seat, then play a little game I
like to call "How Many Trees Can I Knock Over With My Car Doing 80." Ready GO!NOTE: Video after the jump that
should disqualify these jokers from any future charity events even if the cure for AIDS is oozing
from their pores.
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal's oatmeal-esque relationship is
hitting the rocks. While Jake is tied up filming the adaptation of the Prince of Persia
video game, the long distance relationship isn't going well with Reese who should, seriously, try
to work things out. I mean, it's not everyday you find a soulmate who shares your ability to bore
someone to death during sex. That's a special bond, my friends. Star
reports: "This is his first epic, and his mind is on his work," a pal of Reese's tells Star. "They
talk on the phone and e-mail, but he's not 'there.' Reese is wondering if this is how it's going to
be between them every time he's out of the country filming."
The relationship hit such a rough patch that Reese, 32, flew to London for a quick rendezvous with
Jake, 27, at The Dorchester hotel in mid-September.
"They really needed to reconnect and remember why they were in a relationship in the first place,"
says another source. It looks like Jake Gyllenhaal's success is putting a wet blanket on his love
life - which was already a wet blanket. So I'm assuming that's bad or something, I dunno. I don't
do laundry. Photo: WENN
Samantha Ronson dropped a bombshell today when she admitted she doesn't work out. Apparently, the
folks at People couldn't get
enough of Sam's "svelte" figure in a bikini this week. Which leads me to believe they get wet in
the pants at the sight of Amy Winehouse - another
12-lines-a-day diet success story: When asked about the secrets to her slim physique, Ronson, 30,
told PEOPLE that less – a lot less – is more: "No gym
– well, not in the last five years. All the credit goes to Mom and Dad and their
genes!"
Not that she doesn't indulge in the occasional cardio activity: "Sprinting through airports to
catch flights," Ronson added about her workout "regiment."
The deejay even jokes about one of her only vices: Marlboro Reds. "I get winded just reaching for
my cigarettes!" she said. She gets winded reaching for her smokes. God, why are all the good ones
gay?
In this "parody" video, Jessica Alba continues her self-righteous quest to encourage people who think
The Hills is real to vote. It also features a muzzled Hayden Panettiere which, I'll
admit, almost made me feel like I was falling in love again for the very first time. Until I
remembered celebrity political ads are the equivalent of Michael J. Fox performing a vasectomy:
They both end with your brain getting stabbed by someone famous.
Britney Spears decided to put a shawl over head while departing LAX yesterday 'cause she's wacky.
Of course, when she does something like this everyone thinks it's adorable. I do it, and Kiefer
Sutherland's attaching jumper cables to my nads. (Don't drink with that guy.) Anyway, I'm pretty
sure Britney's sending a coded message to Adnan Ghalib to "start the jihad." (Translation: Pop a
wiener pill. Mama's
stopping by the wig store.)
Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez of the New York Yankees is officially a single man
which means he can hook up with all kinds of mad hotties that throw themselves at him. So,
naturally, he went straight to Madonna. The two were spotted out together this week sparking rumors
that their
affair isn't over yet. Us Magazine
reports: Madonna and New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez took in a cozy dinner for two at Dos Caminos
Third Avenue on Tuesday, a source told Usmagazine.com.
They pair ate at an alcove-like table in the back.
"They seemed very close," a source told Usmagazine.com. Of course, they were close. Who wouldn't
want to snuggle up to Shrivel-rella? All that sinew, damn! On that note, I think it's safe to say
if Alex Rodriguez ever stumbled into a morgue, he'd probably yell "Oh, snap!" then start throwing
dollar bills like fucking confetti. True story. Photo: INFdaily.com
Last night the Vice Presidential Debate took place between Republican
Governor Sarah Palin and Democratic Senator Joe Biden. If you don't know who these people are,
please engage in activities with a high risk of infertility. Anyway, consider this post an open
thread/romper room to get your politics on and sound off about the debate. In the meantime, I'll be
trying to salvage my eardrums which feel like they've been raped by Marge Gunderson from
Fargo. Oh, and who do I think won? How about I answer a completely different question
instead? Waffles.* *Didn't get the joke? Don't worry; I'll post about Britney soon. Photo: Splash News
Brooke Hogan attended the Bejeweled show last night at Funkshion Fashion Week in Miami, and someone
should tell her she's not at Buckingham Palace. No need to get fancy. That said, I think it's time
we all acknowledge the truth about Brooke Hogan: She's a centaur. Feels good to say that out loud, doesn't it?
Sharon Stone is denying reports she wanted her eight-year-old son to get Botox for his foot odor
problem, according to her attorney. Entertainment Tonight reports: "This
week it was reported in connection with Sharon Stone's custody dispute that she wanted to have her
young 8 year-old son undergo Botox treatment at this time for his feet. Sharon Stone never made
this statement. It is a complete fabrication," her attorney Martin Singer tells ET. "Sharon loves
her son Roan and only wants the best for him." And it's true: Sharon Stone didn't suggest Botox for
her son's foot odor. She clearly said LASIK. Photo: Splash News
I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to come right out with it: I'm no longer
harboring a secret crush towards you. I'm sorry if I've just shattered your world as you know it.
Really I am. And if it makes you feel any better, it's not you (Or your terrible acting on this
season's Heroes.) You've done nothing wrong (Except, again, the acting.) It's me. I've changed.
And, while we're being honest, I think you should know there's someone else. It's Mila Kunis. I
mean, have you seen her lately? Who knew she had
cleavage? That's like finding out there's two Christmases, and one of them has boobs. On the
other hand, there's you, sweet Hayden and, well, let's be frank: Nobody knows what's going on there
(I've talked to doctors.). For a while I was convinced you had breasts, but it's time to admit I
was only fooling myself. A lot. Like at least once a day if not twice. And sometimes - you know
what? I'm getting off track. I hope things don't get weird between us. If you ever wear a bikini or
flash some beave, I want you to know, I'll still write a post about it. That's what friends do. But
I'm afraid this is our last goodbye. Feel free to let yourself out. Or walk through the doggy door
one final time before I nail it shut. Which, I hope you'll agree, is for the best. Goodbye, my
love. Goodbye. - - Is she gone? I can never tell. JESUS CHRIST! She was behind a shoe. I mean, hey
there, beautiful princess...
)
and reject those that you are not interested in
(
)
Michael Lohan is auctioning off a chance to get in the ring and punch
the press-whore out of him. The auction starts at $5,000 with all proceeds going to charity,
according to 
David Spade, who somehow dated Heather Locklear in 2006 (Damn his
hobbit magic!), texted her shortly after 
So this is what it feels like to see O.J. Simpson get convicted of something.
The Juice and his accomplice Clarence "C.J." Stewart were both found guilty of 
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal's oatmeal-esque relationship is
hitting the rocks. While Jake is tied up filming the adaptation of the Prince of Persia
video game, the long distance relationship isn't going well with Reese who should, seriously, try
to work things out. I mean, it's not everyday you find a soulmate who shares your ability to bore
someone to death during sex. That's a special bond, my friends. 
Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez of the New York Yankees is officially a single man
which means he can hook up with all kinds of mad hotties that throw themselves at him. So,
naturally, he went straight to Madonna. The two were spotted out together this week sparking rumors
that 
Last night the Vice Presidential Debate took place between Republican
Governor Sarah Palin and Democratic Senator Joe Biden. If you don't know who these people are,
please engage in activities with a high risk of infertility. Anyway, consider this post an open
thread/romper room to get your politics on and sound off about the debate. In the meantime, I'll be
trying to salvage my eardrums which feel like they've been raped by Marge Gunderson from
Fargo. Oh, and who do I think won? How about I answer a completely different question
instead? Waffles.* *Didn't get the joke? Don't worry; I'll post about Britney soon. Photo: 
Sharon Stone is denying reports she wanted her eight-year-old son to 
