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55 min: GOAL!!! Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 Blackburn Rovers. From that Blackburn
corner, a few passes around the back between Tottenham defenders, then the team break upfield.
Defoe zips into the Blackburn half, straight down the middle, and shifts the ball out right to
Pavlyuchenko, who shoots straight at Brown. The ball goes under the keeper's body and bulges the
middle of the net. What a terrible error. This is over.
54 min: A Blackburn free kick from the right is easily deflected clear for a
corner. Which in turn is easily headed away from danger by Bassong. Rovers have played some nice
football this afternoon, but not much of it up front. "I think there's something wrong with your
voting machine," writes Patrick O'Brien. "Every time I choose Harry the vote goes to George Bush.
Can you get David Conn to look into this?" This is satire, topical satire. Only one decade late.
Here, that Alec Douglas-Home is a bit posh, isn't he? Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry
6, Jamie 3, Louise 0.
50 min: Defoe's earlier effort has just left Highbury & Islington, and will
arrive at Kings Cross St Pancras in roughly four minutes.
49 min: Kalinic spins under a ball dipping towards the Spurs penalty spot. If he
hits it first time, Gomes surely has no chance - but he lets it bounce, allowing Dawson in to
hammer the ball off his toe and wide left of goal. The corner is picked from the sky by Gomes.
And we're off again! It's a quiet White Hart Lane. Defoe tries to lift the mood
with a dipping volley from nearly 40 yards, an absolutely ludicrous effort, and one with
depressingly predictable results. The ball is currently bouncing southwards, roughly tracing the
route of the Victoria Line.
The Representation of the People Act 1983. Everyone's obviously allowed to vote
for their least favourite Redknapp, but can I point out that, according to UK election rules,
anyone writing "I'd like to give Louise Redknapp one hur hur" automatically spoils their paper.
Five spolit papers I've been sent so far. "Before everyone votes for 'Arry, may I remind them
once again of the Thomas Cook ad?" asks Aidan Gibson. "Can I vote for Jamie and Louise?"
No. That counts as a vote for Jamie. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 5, Jamie 3,
Louise 0.
Most Irritating Redknapp: the votes flood in. "A no-brainer indeed," argues Jack
Lee, "for without Arry, there wouldn't be Jamie, and Louise wouldn't be a Redknapp. In that sense
he is definitely The Daddy." Eman Zaman adds: "I think you're losing perspective here; Jamie and
Louise aren't even in the irritation ballpark when you compare them to Peckham and Posh. So my
vote overwhelmingly goes to Arry." But Fraser Leggat suggests that "Harry might be annoying and
talk a lot of rubbish, but at least he is opinionated and therefore more interesting than the
totally vacuous punditry of Jamie." Do three emails constitute a flood of votes? Not usually, but
today they just have to. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 5, Jamie 2, Louise
0.
HALF TIME: Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Blackburn Rovers. And that's that for the half.
Meanwhile Brendan Large is talking my language. "I'm with you Scott, Harry all the way, and I'm
sure my mate Roman P would be thinking the same way. Two votes to Harry." You're voting for Roman
Pavlyuchenko?!? It's not particularly democratic - but I'll let it pass this time. Two to Harry
it is. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 3, Jamie 1, Louise 0.
45 min: GOAL!!! IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE!!!!! FROM A CORNER!!!!!!!!!! Tottenham Hotspur 1-0
Blackburn Rovers. Bale wins a corner down the left. The ball's sent towards the near
post, flicked on by Corluka, and shovelled into the roof of the net by Defoe's sliding leg at the
far post. So simple. Not a single Rovers defender bothered to move an inch, mind.
44 min: An untidy bout of head tennis after Pedersen Delaps one into the Spurs
area is eventually ended by Palacios, who hoofs the loose ball clear after a few bounces.
Blackburn, after a fancy start, have shown little up front.
41 min: Kalinic and Dawson battle under a long bouncing ball heading for the
Spurs area. The Blackburn striker looks to be winning the tussle, the prize for him being a
one-on-one with Gomes, but he panics when in the box seat, shoving Dawson in the back then
knocking the ball past him with a preposterous volleyball punch. You'll not be getting away with
that, young sir. Naylor, by the way, is voting for Jamie. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter:
Harry 1, Jamie 1, Louise 0.
38 min: Spurs have stepped it up a gear alright. Now Modric pings one forward
straight down the middle, Defoe running onto the ball and drifting out just to the left of the
goal. When he reaches the box, he unleashes a low shot towards the bottom-right. For a second, it
looks like creeping in, but once again Brown is able to get a hand to the ball, stopping it
brilliantly.
36 min: Assou-Ekotto swings a long, hard, deep cross in from the left. It evades
Defoe - but it's heading for the bottom-right corner anyway! Givet makes sure Defoe can't get a
touch, while Brown fingertips round the post. That's a great save. The corner's wasted.
35 min: Bale has been Tottenham's best player by a long chalk. Once again he
cuts in from the left and wallops a delicious low cross into the centre. This time it's Defoe on
the end of it, but the striker takes too many touches, and the chance is soon gone.
33 min: It's really died, all of a sudden, this game. It was end-to-end
excitement for the best part of 25 minutes. Now, nothing. Very strange. "Who's the more annoying
of the Redknapps?" asks Gary Naylor, apropos naff all. "Cockney Wheeler-Dealer 'Arry or TV's
Jamie? How Louise stands them I don't know." It's a fair question, that, so who gets your vote?
Harry, Jamie, or Louise-y (for let us not forget she's a Redknapp too). Irritating as Louise's
pronounciation of "it" without recourse to a "T" sound on those Thomas Cook adverts is, it's
Harry all the way for me. Come on, folks, this is surely a no-brainerl. Naylor, of course, hasn't
voted, he's just stirred the pot before running off, leaving me to deal with the fallout.
Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 1, Jamie 0, Louise 0.
29 min: A long snoozy lull is broken when Bale suddenly bursts into life,
tokking the ball past Salgado down the left and powering into space in the Blackburn area. He
shoots low and hard towards the bottom right corner, but the effort's dragged wide of the target.
Great play, though.
24 min: Paul Robinson has leg knack. He'll not continue. Jason Brown comes on
for his first Premier League match this season. "Has an English side ever contained more players
whose names are Special Place references than this Spurs team?" wonders Mac Millings. "I mean,
there's Gones, Crotch, Alnwick, Kagoulies, Mor-dic, Basdong, and of course, Gudjohnsen." Thank
Christ you've forgotten a certain Middlesbrough-born central defender, this is a family
newspaper.
20 min: Bale zips down the left and cuts the ball back low for Pavlyuchenko,
racing towards the near post. The striker fires a hard first-time shot just wide left. This game
is wide open. I have no clue who is going to score first, but if it ends 0-0 I'll be very
surprised.
19 min: Dunn picks the ball up in the centre circle and drifts down the
inside-left channel. He reaches the box, neither Corluka nor Palacios able to stop him until,
just before he shapes to shoot, he's bundled over just inside the area. No penalty - though it's
an extremely clumsy challenge by Corluka - and Spurs survive. "We all like a bit of
comic-value-laden gore, don't we, here and there, now and then," writes Philip Podolsky, of our
hopes and dreams for a 30-odd-man fistfight, "but you definitely crossed the line with the Rafa
close-up."
15 min: Assou-Ekotto latches onto a terrible clearance by Salgado down the Spurs
left, and cuts into the box. He battles to the byline and zips the ball into the centre, where it
bounces towards Pavlyuchenko, free in the centre, standing on the penalty spot. The ball reaches
the striker at that awkward height, good for neither kicking nor heading. He slices an attempted
volley into the stand behind; you couldn't really expect him to put that away.
12 min: Blackburn should be a goal up here. Chimbonda skidaddles down the left,
skinning Corluka with embarrassing ease. He reaches the byline and rolls the ball back into the
centre, where Olsson strides into the box from the inside-left position in acres of space. The
ball's sitting up to be slotted into either corner of the net, with only Gomes in his way, but he
takes a weak shot, allowing Bassong time to slide in and block. A terrible, terrible finish - but
what a run by the former Spurs full-back Chimbonda. Blackburn have started very impressively
indeed. At this rate, Big Sam's team will be doing Rafael Benitez a favour.
10 min: Dunn tries to skelp a free kick in from 35 yards. Oh for goodness sake.
8 min: Pavlyuchenko belts one in from 30-odd yards, the idea being his shot
finding the top-right corner of the Blackburn net. The effort is currently sailing over
Walthamstow.
5 min: The lively Kalinic twists and turns and wins a free kick wide right, not
too far into the Tottenham half. Pedersen swings the set piece into the area, towards the far
post. It's a brilliant ball, just out of Gomes' reach, and dropping towards Samba's head, but the
big defender fresh-air nuts, the cross sailing out of play. A really open start. Superb stuff all
round, especially from Blackburn.
3 min: And the open start nearly results in a goal for Blackburn, from the
Tottenham corner as well. The Spurs corner is dreadful and headed clear with ease. Suddenly, Dunn
is scampering upfield, two on two with Kalinic in a dangerous position in the centre. He decides
to power on himself, ignoring the striker, and reaches the right-hand edge of the Tottenham box
before running out of steam and losing the ball to a combination of Bassong, Assou-Ekotto and
Gomes.
2 min: Bale scampers down the left and reaches the byline, sending a cross into
the centre. It's cleared, but he's got the ball back again, winning Spurs first corner of the
game. A lovely open start.
And we're off! Blackburn immediately lump it forward, chase after it en masse,
and force a corner within 20 seconds! That's some direct work. Pedersen clips it in from the
right, Gomes plucking it from the air under no pressure whatsoever.
Hold on, that zinger does work. The 22 players on the pitch are involved in the
melee too. God I'm slow. Sorry, Brendan. That's some picture you've painted there.
The importance of studying the teamsheets: "I would love to see a full-on
fistfight including the two benches and everything," says Brendan Large, surely speaking for us
all. "If that happens I think 'Arry should be more worried about being on the end of a swift
right hook from Pavlyuchenko than any of the Blackburn players." A textbook example of a zinger
that so nearly worked, there. A tragic shame, but a decent effort nonetheless.
Fight please! There have been six red cards in the last nine league meetings
between these sides. Let's not get pompous: we'd all lilke a proper fistfight this afternoon,
there hasn't been one in the Premier League for ages. Haymakers, wild fresh-air swipes, the
works, lads, now be about your business.
The star of the show, he'll make sure of that: Howard Webb (S Yorkshire)
Top scorer David Dunn (5) is back: Robinson, Salgado, Samba, Givet, Chimbonda,
Emerton, Nzonzi, Pedersen, Olsson, Dunn, Kalinic.
Subs: Brown, Roberts, Andrews, Diouf, Basturk, Hoilett, Di Santo.
Top scorer Jermain Defoe (22) is back: Gomes, Corluka, Dawson, Bassong,
Assou-Ekotto, Kranjcar, Modric, Palacios, Bale, Pavlyuchenko, Defoe.
Subs: Alnwick, Kaboul, Crouch, Gudjohnsen, Rose, Kyle Walker, Livermore.
Meanwhile Harry Redknapp and the boys are painting on the old gameface. This
12.45pm kick-off gives Tottenham a chance to put some early distance between themselves and the
other fourth-place suitors. "I'm really expecting a tough game today," says Redknapp, "and I'll
be pleased to come out of this with three points."
And that wasn't all. "Bawl wah sob wah wah greet bubble blub boo," he concluded.
"Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah." He went on to insist that it's not
personal from his end, though that much was clear already.
He continued: "Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
wah is this behaviour really becoming in a man who trades under the honorific 'Big' wah wah wah
wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah."
So Sam Allardyce spent the week preparing for today's match by concentrating on the
threat posed by fourth-placed Totten banging on about how much he hates Rafael Benitez, whose
team he played two weeks ago. "Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
wah wah wah wah wah," he said. "Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
wah wah wah."
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