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Guardian Unlimited

- 10 hours and 18 minutes ago

divimg alt="" src="http://hits.guardian.co.uk/b/ss/guardiangu-feeds/1/H.15.1/23916?ns=guardianpageName=Life+and+style%3A+Anti-natalch=Life+and+stylec3=The+Guardianc4=Family+%28Life+and+style%29%2CRelationships+%28Life+and+style%29%2CLife+and+stylec5=Not+commercially+useful%2CFamily+and+Relationshipsc6=Zoe+Williamsc7=2008_12_05c8=1129245c9=articlec10=GUc11=Life+and+stylec12=Familyc13=c14=h2=GU%2FLife+and+style%2FFamily" width="1" height="1" //divpBoth C and I were trying to go to a party on a Tuesday night, which is a stupid thing to attempt, even though we were doing a staggered arrival (one of you turns up so that the couple takes on this sheen of punctuality: it doesn't work, by the way. The late one still looks late, or else it looks as if you had an argument on the tube, which, had we gone on the tube together, we most certainly would have done)./ppSo, I was going to leave home first, while C did the bath stuff and waited for the babysitter, and I secretly, very strongly, suspect him of thinking this was the wrong way round, because he had been at work all day.* I had also been at work all day, but it is impossible to persuade anybody that you're working when you're either at lunch or you're in pyjamas (or some shapeless jersey equivalent) staring out of the window. This has always been true, it's nothing to do with babies, but it never mattered before. He could be credulous, or incredulous. I paid half the mortgage, didn't I? What else did he need, a note from my mum? /ppThis is turning into one of those long and intricate whinges that lead the childless to wonder why anybody has children, but post-T, there is a silent territorial struggle over every block of five minutes. So I think, man, you think you're tired. You've just had 55 minutes on a bus. You didn't even have to drive it. You just had to sit there and not get into a fight. There's more relaxation right there than there is in a flotation tank. And he gets home and thinks**, how can you possibly be tired, you sit in elasticated trousers all day, looking at Facebook and laughing at your own jokes. And then we mask these true feelings by lavishing fun upon the child, and offering one another a hot drink, until the moment has passed and once again, a skirmish has been successfully avoided. /ppI think I'm going to go into industrial arbitration. Because I am brilliant at it. /ppA whole new strand of conflict is the one about bathing or changing or otherwise displeasing the young one. It's a funny business; say I'm changing T myself, and he starts crying, I can see immediately that he isn't upset, he's just acting the giddy goat, and I take no notice, and in a second, it's finished. When C is doing it, by some power of subjective hearing, it sounds louder, more genuine and distraught, and goes on about 10 times longer, so I'm upstairs thinking, "What on earth is going on, why can't he do it right (C, not T)? Is there a slug in his babygrow (T, not C)? Has he got meningitis?" etc etc, leading inexorably to this thought: "It would be much less stressful for me if I were doing this myself," which leads, of course, to this thought: "He is doing this deliberately badly (C, not T), to make me wish I had done it."***/ppWhere were we? Oh yes, it is 6.38 on a Tuesday night, and there is a bath upstairs being executed deliberately badly, so I am very stressed, and I cannot decide what to wear in this condition, so I cannot put my makeup on, so when I actually step out of the house, it is 6.58, which is only seven minutes before C was going to leave anyway. I know what you're thinking. I am an absolute tool. There is no other word for me, apart from all those much better expletives. /ppSo anyway, I arrive 10 minutes before C, and I'm bitching about him to these friends of ours, along the lines of, "Don't you find leaving the house a real crucible of conflict? I mean, don't you think it is actually impossible to do it without a fracas of some kind?" and she, the lady/mum, goes, "I know what you're doing. You're trying to steal one of our arguments for your column." /pp"Well, otherwise it is just us. This has to be a universal. Otherwise it is just one spiky woman giving her boyfriend a hard time." /pp"That is between you and your conscience," said this woman, who will never appear in this column again, which is why I haven't even given her her own initial. It is not just me. I know that, I know it for a fact. /pp* There is no evidence for this. ** There is substantial evidence for this, but none of it in words, unfortunately. *** I naturally keep all these unreasonable thoughts to myself. Doh!/pdiv style="float: left; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"ullia href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/family"Family/a/lilia href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/relationships"Relationships/a/li/ul/diva href="http://www.guardian.co.uk"guardian.co.uk/a copy; Guardian News Media Limited 2008 | Use of this content is subject to our a href="http://users.guardian.co.uk/help/article/0,,933909,00.html"Terms Conditions/a | a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/webfeeds/1,,1309488,00.html"More Feeds/a pa href="http://feedads.googleadservices.com/~at/ckOubHC9YaLnqerTzULKkOCJDzA/a"img src="http://feedads.googleadservices.com/~at/ckOubHC9YaLnqerTzULKkOCJDzA/i" border="0" ismap="true"/img/a/p

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